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Judging Others Says A Lot About Who You Are
Let me start by asking you this question – How many people have you judged this week? Two? Three? Five to ten? Too many to count? – None? (You are a saint!) Judging others is something that happens everyday. I try not to judge but sometimes I just can’t help it.
Do you ever think something about a person you don’t know and then later wonder if you were wrong?
I have moments like that. Then I sit and wonder feeling bad about doing it. Realizing also that many people may have been judging me all day. Incorrectly. We have all judged and been judged. It might be over small things, or over bigger issues. Regardless, we do it. The question is why?
We use other people as mirrors on which to base our essential view of the world and ourselves. That is the exact reason why it is so easy for us to judge others.
Here are the reasons why judging others is about you…..not the person you are judging!
1. The Way You Feel About Yourself
Do you ever judge someone then realise you do the same thing? Yes?
This is because often our judgement on others show our weaknesses, soft-spots, and insecurities. Most judgments we make about people are based on lack of information. We make assumptions and judgments based on what we see, not on facts.
2. You Do It To Make Yourself Feel Better
Admit it. It feels good to judge people at times. I’ll give you an example.
You are out somewhere in public with your toddler who just happens to be on his/her best behaviour. No crying, no meltdowns and tantrums, lots of smiles, hugs and kisses.
A few meters (or feet) from where you are, you spot a mom with a toddler – hers is screaming and crying, rolling on the floor, has juice running down the front of his shirt and you think to yourself, “hmmmmm….I must be doing a GREAT job as a mother. Better than her.”
You smile to yourself, then to your little “angel”. Judgement.
3. Mind Programming
I believe you teach your mind what to think and repeat back to you.
If everyday you tell your mind you are fat, every day that is what you will think to yourself and believe. Tell your mind you are fantastic, and you will believe it (don’t overdo it on this one – for risk of sounding too cocky)! Speak positive affirmations to yourself and watch your confidence increase.
Mind programming is probably the biggest reason we judge others based on their outer appearance. We make assumptions about them and about their lives based on what the media has planted into our minds.
For example: being thin and beautiful = success. Affluence = happiness. Being poor = unworthy or not relevant.
Even though in your hearts you know this is untrue, our minds bring us to judge those who do not live up to our ‘standards’.
4. Bonding Through Insecurity
You have surely felt insecure about something or another.
We discuss people to feel better about ourselves. This is highly noticeable among middle and high school kids. Sadly, some continue this habit into adulthood. When you talk about someone else, most people will willingly join in the conversation to add their two cents. This is where a sense of bonding comes in with judgment.
5. Lack Of Information
Most times, you are judging people you see out in public. At a restaurant, grocery store, shopping mall, drivers on the road, etc. People you know anything about.
You have no insight into why they dress, act, or talk the way they do. All you know is that you see something about them that you consider being ‘wrong’, ‘different’ or ‘inappropriate’ – and in walks in judgement.
What Are The Consequences Of Judging Others?
When you judge others it can make you feel worse about yourself. You hurt other people and it can perpetuate stereotypes.
You increase negativity in your heart and in what you put out into the world.
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What Can You Do To Judge Less?
Since you cannot stop this altogether, you can take action when you find yourself judging.
When you hear yourself criticizing someone, take a step back and ask yourself, do I see these traits in myself? Do I exhibit the same behaviour?
What do I know about this person? Am I being fair? This is what is often called a pattern interrupt, which is a technique to change a particular thought, behavior or situation.
Remember how it feels to be judged. It doesn’t feel good to judge or be judged. Try to remember this the next time you are judging or criticizing. Try to open the door of your heart to expand your awareness and self-acceptance. Make people feel better about themselves because of you.
We all have a story. You never know when you might find yourself walking in the very shoes of a person you have judged.
Do you find yourself judging others?Or are you constantly being judged by family, friends and co-workers?
Share your experiences with me below.
98 comments
Thanks for sharing. Very important subject. I fight for years now not to judge people. I think that judging other people comes primarily from our belief that we are better than others.
I’m a man, but I found this post very helpful. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and reccomendations.
Hi I’m Lorna, I try not to judge people partly because I’m judged wrongly, I don’t have a lot of money but I don’t steal, that hurt, I take pain medication that makes me high but I don’t do drugs, that I can understand, labels get out on people all the time, I like to get to know people, some are nice, some are toxic, by toxic I mean judge everybody they see and if they don’t know they make it up. I live by a basic rule don’t do to others what you don’t want done to you. I’m not a saint everyone judges but keep it to yourself
I totally agree with you. Sometimes we judge others by something that we forget that we ourselves are the same thing. This happens in a lot of people in the community. I think that evaluation is part of human nature, but it is important to be aware of the time and the reason behind it.
Your blog has great information. It always inspires me! Thanks!
Great points, I think its so hard not to judge others, in some ways I think its hard wired into us to do so. But I think acknowledging we do it, and perhaps figuring out why is the first step towards understanding and being able to tame those thoughts, and behave more emphatically.
I loved reading this post and it reminded me of something my father used to say I was a child ‘People living in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. It was like a constant refrain whenever I hastened to judgement about someone and made me reflect on my own character weaknesses. Sometimes all we need to do is to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes to feel empathy or compassion and stifle the judgmental chorus.
What a great and interesting perspective and outlook on how and why we judge others. A nice read and given me and others too a lot to think about.
My son was an addict from the age of 15 until roughly twenty-one. I can’t tell you how many hard folding chairs I’ve sat on at AA and NA meetings. The first time I went, admittedly, I judged many of the people there. After about thirty minutes, I realized they were just like me, trying to live their lives the best they knew how, and for whatever reason, had fallen into something unfortunate. The people I’ve met over the years at meetings like these, in rehab centers, and homless shelters completely changed the way I interact with the world. x
Thank you for this article.
It’s funny because personally I try not to judge others for not judging myself … but unfortunately it’s not one way … but this does not matter: D
Love this! I used to be horribly judgemental, but I would like to think I am quite the opposite now. Having a child with SEND and MH issues (inc OCD) makes you realise how awful being judged/ judging others actually feels and how quick people are to judge what they dont understand. I have developed so much more understanding and empathy towards others because of this. Your post totally resonates x
This is so true, I absolutely agree with this. Sometimes we just couldn’t help but judging other people without noticing that we even do the same thing, nobody’s perfect anyway but sometimes we have to slow down for it’s not really right thing to do. It’s okay to judge other people though but not too much as long as you’re in the right position to judge.
Thanks for sharing this great advice!
I must say I agree with you a lot here. Great post. And good analysis.
These are all so very true, although I do believe judging is part of human nature. I think it’s important to at least be aware of the times that we are judgemental and understand the reasoning behind it.
Totally agree! Don’t judge people
You never know what they’re going through!
Totally agree. People judge me and my children all the time based on a one off encounter when my children are at their most vulnerable and it has to do with the lack of information or their perceived idea of what autism looks like. I am happy to say that since being on our autism journey I am much more tolerant of others and open to new ideas.
This is such a great post. Being a Military Wife, this happens so much within the Military community and it’s really sad to see. Though I know I’ve definitely judged someone for something, unintentionally only to have my husband look at me and say, you do the same thing sometimes.
Great read because i just had a converataion like this. I always say everyone judges to some extent, its only when we here the judgement that our feelings are hurt. Most of can dish it, but not take it.
This is absolutely true. I tend to judge people who are ignorant and don’t seek to find the answers. I need to work on that.
I think the lack of information is a huge problem with judging. It’s so hard because we are all different. From my opinion we can coexist with those differences. Maybe it’s fear that someone’s “wrong” will harm a “right”. IDK. Taking the time to talk and learn clears up a lot of the tension. Great post.
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Very reflective article. I certainly catch myself doing this and take a step back and question myself. Def things I need to work on.
I like #4. That’s something I don’t think about but it’s very true that misery really does love company. I like everyone else try not to compare myself to others but this is a great read to keep perspective.
This is a real eye opener! It does start young and continues into adulthood, I try not to judge others, but sometimes it seems like instinct to do so. Thanks for bring this to light, not many people will talk about this subject.
You make so many great points. I never thought of it that way. But im totally ocd. So i can relate.
Its so important to not judge people and to teach our children the same, having two kids on the autism spectrum ans other life experiences has taught me to stop and think before i judge, i think most of us have felt judged in our life and that isn’t a nice feeling, however their are certain situations where you need to judge and i think some people find it difficult to distinguish between the two.
This is all valuable advice. I try my best to not judge others. However, you’re right it does usually say more about me when I do find myself being guilty of it.
You are right, sometimes judging people is so innate that we don’t realize we are doing it. But it is definitely something we (I) should work on!Thanks for sharing.
That is so true! Most people we tend to judge to quickly have a story to tell, a story that could set the record straight and shame all of us for our judgemental ways.
I love this post! I think you nailed it. After reading this is realize I do judge a bit whether I do it vocally or in my mind and it reflects how I feel about myself sometimes. I never realized that.
This is great post! It’s important to explore why we say or think certain things and work hard to make our attitudes more positive
These are all so true, You know I always tell my kids you can never judge someone just because of how they look because sometimes people do surprise you in so many ways.
You have a real knack of writing about psychosocial issues.I have lost count of the number of people I have judged this week
Thank you for the compliment and feedback Amrita. We are all guilty of judging, but hopefully when we catch ourselves doing it, we can redirect those thoughts. Have a wonderful day, Sheri.
These are all so true. As human nature we automatically judge someone by their appearance, when we have absolutely no idea about them or their lives and vice versa
I totally agree, when we are judging others we are just noticing the imperfections in our own lives and instead of facing them we pick point others.
Great post! I agree, sometimes we as people are so easy to judge situation without knowing the reasoning behind it.
Judging others is an unfortunate trait of imperfections. And it’s sooo hard to eliminate it completely. When I’m tempted to judge someone, I think of the words at Matthew 7:1,2 “Stop judging that you may not be judged;for with the judgement you are judging, YOU will be judged”. That usually brings me back down to earth.
It’s easy to pass judgement on others. If I have a bad encounter with an individual and that is my first encounter with them, I tend to pass judgment as well. If I have a negative first encounter with someone I feel that they don’t care about how others perceive them – and that is where my judgement is passed. Thanks for sharing.
Judging others is something I’ve been working on for over a year. When I find myself judging someone, I stop the negative thought and ask myself why do I feel this way. I even practice this with my children. When I find them being judgmental, I tell them to take into consideration all of the facts before judging the person. Really good tips!
I am guilty as charged…been there. As an adult, I find myself trying to ascertain why people are in certain situations rather than turning my nose up. Gossip is a nasty habit. It’s just like smoking,or biting your nails. It comforts you at the moment, but makes a mess down the rooad.
We all judge others and it is totally a healthy thing to do in your head as long as you don’t voice it out without thinking thoroughly.
We judge for the above reasons and many more but we also judge ourselves, so when we find the compassion for ourselves we will be much more compassionate toward others.
Judging other people is for the unhappy. You never know what demons people are dealing with.
Lack of information is the best reason on this list! Many judge and don’t know why. This article breaks it all down! Thank you for sharing.
This is a great piece. I judge people. I think most humans do it, but not purposely. I do think it’s for some of the reasons you mentioned.
This is so on point. I believe that we either judge what we’re afraid of or things that we see in others that we don’t like about ourselves.
Luvvie has a book called “I’m Judging You.” That goes into many reasons why people are judged for things that they think and share online. Seems like these days everyone has an opinion, and isn’t shy about sharing it, even though it makes us make up our minds about them… judge whether we want to be bothered with them or not.
Bonding through insecurity is so real! It’s a fact that sometimes when we’re feeling bad about ourselves, we feel better when bunched up with others who feel the same and who like to judge someone doing something different. KevOnStage put up a video today saying just that: people will make excuses behind they don’t succeed, and will rationalize their failures. When you’re in a group that’s insecure all together, it’s easy to gang up on someone who’s making moves. Great post!
I can honestly say, I have been guilty of this with my students. Their behaviors make me automatically judge their upbringing. I found out several times the behaviors don’t reflect their home life.
I’ve been there before as well. As I’ve become older it has lessen. I learned it’s more about the person doing the judging. I read a book about that, can’t think of the author right now, but the book helped me put things in perspective. Thanks for sharing!
Im guilty of judging people for a variety of reasons. There are times when my perceived judgement turns into a helpful action.
I may reach out to someone and offer a kind word and or assistance.
I definitely feel judged a lot of times, and I think it’s worse when it’s by family or close friends.
But then I know at some points I have probably been there too — pointing fingers at others as a result of one thing or another
I guess it’s just about growing up, something which I have done a lot of late, and understanding that nobody is above faults.
Great post!
This is a great post. So many of us judge others without even thinking and yes, it is often because we are insecure about ourselves. The bad part of it all, is that we make ourselves look petty to others and we still feel bad about ourselves.
Love this post and it’s so true! Judging others is very much about trying to brush off your issues with yourself or jealousy.
I agree with your opinion, we are very radical sometimes with our opinions and rush to say whatever we want. It has happen more than a few times for me that I jump to quickly to assume something when later if proves that is completely wrong. Thanks for sharing this we need to learn how to make a proper opinion even if sometimes if gets really hard!
Beautiful piece of writing Sheri and So true! We often judge people by their external appearances. However external appearances are always deceptive!
I try my hardest not to judge!!! Judging others never leads to anything good. Plus you could of been using all of that energy on your self!
Great post. Sometimes we can be a little radical with others.
You are so ‘bang on’ on all 5 reasons. I especially agree that many a times we judge people and their is definitely ‘lack of information’ which leads to some real weird conclusions too. It’s best to try and concentrate somewhere else rather than wasting time judging people and burning the midnight oil.
A thought provoking post, this. I admit I am quite judgemental, but mostly towards gossips and mean people. I wonder, does this make me a gossip and mean person too?
Spot on! When you judge someone you are choosing to decide they did something wrong and justify your reasons. Whereas you have no idea about their life, their routine and what’s going on with them. Thanks for the thought provoking discussion!
Passing judgment sadly comes naturally to the human race and it is with inner work that it can be toned down and fixed in this society. Your article does speak truth in the effects of it and why we do it.
I needed to read this post today. No kidding. I had a bad personal experience with someone yesterday and I woke up feeling a little low. And yes, I had started to judge him and started to fill myself with self-pity.., but I feel better now.
This post really makes you think. It’s good advice. I think you hit the nail on the head when you said, “it’s about us.”
As someone who has incorrectly judged people in the past, I’ve pulled on that mistake several times to remind myself to get to know somebody before my mind gets the best of me!
I’d like to think I don’t judge but I also don’t see people because I’m a SAHM and my only human interaction is at the dog park and we’re all friends. I do think I judge people on TV though, so I need to think about that.
LOVE ” Don’t judge choices without understanding the reasons.” Tweeted it!
That´s great written. I don´t really like to judge others as I also don´t like when others judge me without knowing what really happened and what a real story is. Btw, I really love your article and thank you for shared this with us.
XOX
Kintan
so much wisdom, so much truth! Love this post! After attending a parent teacher meeting last night, I have to say this hits so much home!
very thought provoking post…I totally agree with you that how we judge others is the true reflection of who we are.
I’m really receptive to your post! It’s so sad to be the subject of judgements and I tend not to do so, because there’s no way you can know why people are acting this way. Of course it happens to everyone and I don’t know if I agree with you because, yes, you tend to judge the other because they’re not acting as you think it’s okay. But, on the other side, it might be okay to judge without judging negatively and giving positive advices, if you’re already been through it!
I never ever judge others people decisions or life. Because “before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes” is totally true. You never know why some decisions are taken and why not. It is not always how it looks like. And I hate if other people judge me without knowing me. So for me I can say that I live and let live!
I’m guilty as charge, sometimes judging others (well not blurting it out to the masses) makes me feel good.. like when I judge the models in the magazine, etc. It reminds me of the latest Amazon fashion campaign #SaySomethingNice check it out!
So true. I find if I’m in a bad mood or feeling down about myself, I’m more prone to being judgmental. Often a reflection of insecurity, it rarely has something to do with the people we judge, I think! Definitely will be keeping the pattern interrupt tactic in mind 🙂 thanks for the reminder!
I’m always trying to be less judgmental and when others are, notice it and try and make the conversation more positive 🙂
great post! i believe that we should constantly remind ourselves that we are not better than others. we have no right to judge anyone since you don’t know their full story. and I think that people talk about the faults of others in order to prevent the spotlight from shining on theirs.
I think you ate spot on, we tend to judge others in an effort to improve our own self esteem, yet it can leave us feeling worse about ourselves. Teens are great at this, and they do bond over it, to me it shows a huge sign of insecurity when you see people putting others down who are successful, it is clearly a sign that they need to work on their own self esteem. We all have our own struggles and what I love is when I see people support each other and build each other up. I try hard to teach my daughters to be there for each other and for other girls, I love seeing women support other women instead of being bitchy. Really great post!
This is a good reminder. I think we all judge somehow on a daily basis. Honestly, it’s hard not to, but there must really be a conscious effort on our part.
You’re absolutely right – you never know what’s going on in the other person’s life…wonderful, inspiring post. #blogsharelearn
Your post is awesome! It’s very well thought of, it’s encouraging, empowering, and honestly it reinforces positivity! One of my creed is not to judge because we will never know the situation a person is in. And besides we have our own issues to deal with. Instead it is better to encourage or empathize.
This is a great post! Judging can really tear another person down and be exhausting.
This is such a great post. I used to be really judgemental. Its nasty, and cruel. There is no need.
Sarah xx
whimsicalmumblings.co.uk
My husband and I made a pact to be more positive this year all around. Judging others is one of those things that goes hand in hand with that. Judging is so negative and doesnt do anyone any good. Great post, and it really opens your eyes to how we should pay attention to ourselves and our own lives!
People definetely judge others to make themselves feel better – such a good point. I can’t stand it! Great post to open our eyes!
This is such a good reminder as I find myself judging people unnecessarily sometimes. Sometimes I’ll find myself thinking something ridiculously judgy like “why is she wearing that? ugh” and then I think “wow, that was really rude, you know what? YOU GO GIRL, WEAR WHAT YOU WANT, YOU’RE KILLING IT!” I was always told that what you think first is how you were “mind programmed” or raised, and what you think second is who you’ve become. Thanks for the reminder. <3
That is something I speak about so often and try my very best to stay away from. None of us are without sin so we should just pay attention to our own lives
I’ve been trying to not judge others. I have a chronic and “invisible” illness. As much as I don’t like dealing with the pain and the negative way it’s changed my life, it has taught me not to judge others, you never know what someone else is enduring even though they look “ok.”
You hit the nail on item #1. Most of the time, we pass judgement and is critical to a person’s behaviour bec. we also hate ourselves for exhibiting the same behaviour.
This is such a great point. I know all of us judge others to some point but this (along with only speaking positives) is something I’ve been trying to work on. As a blogger with a big Facebook page, I get so many people wanting to vomit negativity and judgment on a daily basis. I used to take it personally and now I just tell myself that it is a reflection of them and not me and hit delete. 🙂
It’s ever okay to judge a person especially if you don’t know him or her. Or even if you have known someone for a long time, it is still not good to judge because in the end, it will still boomerang to you. Instead, we have to help that person overcome whatever negative things you can see.
[…] http://www.purposefulhabits.com/5-reasons-why-judging-others-is-about-you/ A Busy Bee’s […]
I find that my biggest “aha!” is when I find myself thinking something like “Well, at least *I* am not …” insert whatever thing someone is doing that makes me think I’m superior to them. The Rabbi Hillel said “What is detestable to you, do not do to others” and of course Jesus worded it famously as “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” I don’t want people looking down their noses at me and thinking that, so I try to address those thoughts when they come up in me!
Everyone judges, but it seems to me that it does lessen with age. Your theories are really in-line with this observation of mine. Typically as we age, we understand who we are as individuals and become more comfortable with ourselves. That would certainly reduce the need to judge others. So why not accept ourselves who we are before we reach that ‘aha moment?!’ It is good for everyone!
Made me remember the golden quote, “Do unto others as others do unto you.” Yet sometimes, it’s inevitable to be insecure or to judge others. Yet, I somehow feel it might be better if you just keep it to yourself or just think that you are different from them. Not all are the same. Everyone is unique. 🙂
Yes, judging others is kind of like eating Twinkies. It might feel good in the moment, but you know in the long run it’s bad for you. I feel this was the right time for me to read this post because we are conducting end of the year evaluations at school for the students and it’s easy to judge others or feel judged based on our students results. I will take your advice to use the “pattern interrupt”. I’m sure it will help!
I agree with you Stella! Afterwards, the feeling is not nice at all. I am glad the post is able to help you. Thank you for your feedback and sharing.
Often judging people is wrong. One of the philosophers in China, Lao Tzu said that we should always keep an open mind. Once we begin to form an opinion we become biased and do not see clearly. Judging other people is like that too.
That’s true Robert. I think it comes down to lack of facts as well as information. When we judge based on assumption, we not only hurt the other person, but we end of hurting our morals and character. It is human nature to judge, and at times we have to make judgement about people or situations to protect ourselves, so we cannot stop judging completely – the way we do it and the situation we do it in is the true reflection of who we are.
Totally agree with this post – I believe that how you act to others is a reflection of how you see yourself and how you behave towards yourself.