How To Positively Parent Without Controlling Your Children

by Sheri
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Can You Parent Without Controlling Your Children And Do It Effectively?

Parenting is a learn-as-you-go job. There are no books or guides to help you get it 100% right. Moms or dads aren’t perfect, but we all want to best for our kids. You can parent without controlling your children even when you strive to be perfect. Make sure you don’t end up living a life that isn’t true to who you are, because you are living the one others expect of you.

As parents, the greatest gift we can give our children is a safe space to explore and freedom to follow their heart. That is not to say we stop watching them or guiding them, it means you simply let go of the extremely high expectations you may have. As parents, our end goal is to ensure that our children turn out better than we did right?

Anyone who has dealt with an overbearing mom understands what it’s like to feel suffocated. As soon as you become pregnant, you swear that you won’t be the same. But it’s so hard!


Here Are Five Ways To Parent Without Controlling Your Children


1. Get Involved In The Main Areas Without Controlling Your Children

girl wearing a white tank top, blowing bubbles

Controlling moms get overly involved in every aspect of their kid’s life, as opposed to being involved and not taking over.

You should only stick your nose in when it’s important, because children need a push in the right direction. My best friend encourages me to pick and choose my battles. When I do this, I am never reluctant to get involved, I proceed with caution.


Don’t Choose The Way They Look Or Dress 

Girl wearing tank dress, pink and green colour

In the beginning, you have to pick their clothes and help them get dressed because they can’t do it on their own.You help them hurry the process along when they’re toddlers to avoid getting stuck in the house all day, or being late to Kindergarten, work, or appointments.

When children hit a certain age, say, five or six, there’s no reason to continue to pick out their outfits. You already buy their clothes, so it’s only fair that they get to choose what to wear. After all, who cares if the colors don’t match? Let go and give them that freedom of choice to wear what they like.

Of course, if your child needs glasses to see properly, then the decision is completely in your hands.

However, if they want to wear their hair up or down, long or short. give them the freedom to do so.

Don’t Force Your Children To Take Part In Activities They Do Not Enjoy

different coloured kids lego blocks spell out the word kids

Back in the day, you loved to dance and could have made it as a professional. However, things didn’t turn out in your favor. Now, you watch your daughter and wonder if she has the same chance to make it big. You push towards the activity, not even knowing whether or not she likes to dance. Or if she only liked dancing when she feels like it.

You can encourage participation in activities without controlling your children, and without dictating what they have to like.Living vicariously through your children isn’t healthy for anyone, particularly the kids. Let them decide what they do to keep active as they’ll pick the things they love.


Always Ask Your Children  Questions

As a parent, it’s easy to make decisions without consulting your kids first. Although it’s necessary sometimes, it isn’t necessary always.

Young children can’t make huge life decisions on their own, they need you for that. What they can , decide on is what they want for dinner. To get them to open up, ask a lots of questions.

If anything, it’ll keep them engaged and entertained. Hopefully, it will show them that you respect their opinion and want to include them more. Controlling moms not only make the decisions but make excuses for it too.


Let Your Children Make Mistakes

two boys playing on playground and hugging, best friends or brothers

One great thing about being a parent without controlling your children is letting them make mistakes under your guidance.  You instill trust by letting them know that neither life nor they are perfect. It is ok to make mistakes.

When parents try to make their kids be someone they’re not, the message they are sending is that their children is, who they are isn’t good enough. No one ever wants to feel as if they are less than.

You can be a successful parent without controlling your children. Mold your kids into a successful adult, without crushing your child’s ability to fully explore who they are. Self-confidence and self-trust are key ingredients to being successful in life.Kids will find their best version of success only if done their way.


Things To Do And Remember

It is important to remember that without controlling your children, you can still have an effective parenting strategy. Children have the ability to think and problem solve intelligently, empathize, and judge whether things are right or wrong. Kids are not fully cognitively developed to use those skills, but we need to give them the chance to do so.

Parents that control assume they what their children think and feel.

Your child’s facial expression or body language, can help you guess what your child is feeling, but without asking you won’t know for certain.

Avoid controlling behavior so your child can be independent, think independently, make decisions, and act according to their thinking.

You can love and guide your kids without trying to control who they are.

Share your thoughts with me in the comments section below.

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