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BDSM Dating Is Not Too Different To Vanilla Dating, Here’s How!
This is a hot topic! So glad I have readers open-minded and bold enough to want to know more about this. BDSM dating is exciting for those who choose to venture in that direction, but when our emotions are engaged and aroused, it’s easy to forget about safety.
Online dating can be so difficult. You meet someone you like, you match, chat and enjoy great conversations. You want to believe the guy is honest and straightforward about who he is, but unfortunately that isn’t always the case.
Today, I am sharing with you some tips that will help remind you what to watch out for before, during, and after meeting a BDSM partner for the first time. Right now I am battling tonsillitis. Day 3! It is hell I tell you. Imagine having to eat crushed glass while someone pokes needles in your ears. That is exactly how I am feeling at the moment. BDSM talk is a great distraction and relief for me right now. So much to say, and so many people to help. So here goes!
1. Stay Anonymous Until You Are Comfortable Enough To Reveal More
If you’ve met through social media, or an online dating app, make sure you keep your personal information to yourself. Don’t start by revealing your name, your “real” email address, address or phone number until you are 100% comfortable with it.
When you decide to move your conversations off the websites and on to Whatsapp or another service, remember that your phone number is no longer private. If you do change your mind about the person and decide to block them on Whatsapp, make sure you block them on your phone too. Nobody wants a stalker.
BDSM is a bit different to vanilla online dating – it carries a degree of stigma from society as a whole. For whatever reason people seem to look down on BDSM and therefore many try to hide it. If you are worried about anonymity, keep your BDSM and vanilla identities through separate email addresses, and social media accounts.
2. Your Pictures and Your Profile´ON BDSM Dating Sites
I get that the selfie has become de facto for dating. In vanilla dating women and men tend to upload a selfie as well as a full on body shot. So you pretty much know what the person looks like (of course, unless they are lying).
In the BDSM world this doesn’t always work. Most men and women prefer not to show their faces to random strangers!
Three or four well-chosen, discreet and private images is sufficient for your profile. Set images to private if the option is available. When you approach someone you like, be polite, no matter what the means of communication is, always be polite.
3. Get To Know The Person Behind the Screen
It doesn’t matter if it is on Zoom, Hangouts, Skype, on the phone, talk to the person you are planning on meeting first. It is all too easy to hide behind a digital persona, so listen to their voice when they tell you something, try to pick up on whether there is something about them that makes you feel uncomfortable. Look for any red flags.
Be aware of what you’re being asked to do on webcams. Being asked to dance and put on a show, or prove you listen to your DOM” is a huge red flag so don’t fall for it. Be your authentic self.
Conversations may be sexual, may involve fantasies and may be extremely explicit, but acting them out is not necessary..
If anyone is pushing you to meet before you are ready, simply resist. Never create drama or respond to it
4. Meeting In Person For The First Time
You should ALWAYS choose a public place for the initial meeting so that if things don’t go well, your date doesn’t know where you live. You never meet your vanilla or kinky date at their place or yours for the first time
Yes your date might be a no show, and you will feel like absolute filth, but still, that is better than going to his place where something non consensual could happen.
Meeting for drinks? Do not let your drink out of your sight for a second. Finish your drink then go to the bathroom if you need to, or just abandon the drink completely when you are back.
Ladies, ladies, this is 2020, pay for your own drinks. Who cares if it is a date, do not expect men to pay for you. We have come way too far for that. Buy yourself as many drinks as you can handle and always have enough money or a card with your for an Uber ride home.
5. You Should Let Family and Friends Know Where You Are
Always tell a friend or family member when you’re meeting someone new. Doesn’t matter how well you think you know a person. Be safe by letting people know where you will be.
Tell them where you are meeting, what time. If you leave the initial meeting spot, let them know.
You can never be too safe or too cautious. I’ve heard too many horrific dating stories.
You don’t have to make a big deal about this to your date, but letting them know you have talked to your mom, friend, or sister, about the details let’s them know you plan on staying safe, and that your loved ones are on guard. Simple as that.
6. BDSM Dating Is More About Sexuality, Than It Is About Sex
BDSM can get very sexual, extremely quickly. Amongst people who don’t know each other at all, those who have known each other for a while, really does not matter. BDSM can be explicit and laced with dreams, fetish dating and fantasies.
Again, this definitely does not mean you have to jump into bed, perform sex acts or agree to submit to anyone or everyone you connect with. That is not what this is about.
What it means is that you will be dealing with people who are mostly not afraid to share their thoughts, sexual fantasy, kink or fetish, as well as BDSM dating ideas, because BDSM defines a part of who they are sexually.
Be gentle, sensitive, yet firm, when you reject people and do not judge them.
You may not like what they’re into, but nowhere does it say you have to do it.
7. Play Safe During BDSM Dating
I always say leave play time for your second date. Be it vanilla or BDSM dating, this allows you some time to reflect on meeting this new person and to chat or talk online more about the kind of play you want to get into. Whether it is mistress dating, some spanking, just some good old dom/sub fun.
If you prefer a one night stand. Go for it. Whatever floats your boat.
Be careful of Bondage – Here’s why, even if it is fun and something you would love to try, you really should not do this with a complete stranger. You need to develop a level of trust first. Keep it light and happy.
Communication is central to any BDSM relationship so it is important to have a discussion on safewords. If a person seems uptight about this, RUN!. Safewords during your initial play experience will help to connect the two of you.
You Decide Whether Or Not BDSM Dating Is Right For You
BDSM dating and safe dating go hand-in-hand. Whether you’re in a public space or private, your first thoughts should always be about safety. Remember, safety is sexy. Taking care of your partner/s is sexy. Being responsible is sexy.
Online dating has become the way for those in the BDSM community to meet potential partners.
Trying out BDSM dating? Tried it already? Share with me i the comments section below,
